Happy New Year... in a hole!

My New Year's Eve started off on the wrong foot and in the wrong borough. I'll get to that later on today after I finish my coffee but I just need to point out something I noticed as I soberly walked amongst the drunkards at 1:30am last night. ConEd must have decided that work on the streets could cease due to the holiday because they left these gaping holes open in the street right next to a bar called 7B! There were about a dozen hammered party-goers stumbling around on the street and sidewalk next to them.

All they did was throw a few saw horses over them to create awareness of them but don't you think they could have at least made an attempt to cover up the holes? Part of me hoped that some drunk asshole tripped over her heels and fell in - just to prove a point, that is.

And then there were the other drunks that were trying desperately to GET IN a hole - a different kind of hole... I haven't decided if its fun or not to be the only sober person in an entire neighborhood but it certainly helps when you're trying to avoid certain gentlemen callers. I have found that I have a knack, perhaps even a talent, for beating men off with a stick or, as I have been told, with my wit.

One drunk guy who sat down next to me in Sal's looked at me and said, "You are so beautiful. You're so beautiful that... that...". I said, "What?! So beautiful that you can't even finish your sentence?!" He seemed surprised by my response but immediately recognized how hammered he was and left me alone. A wasted finance guy at Zum Schneider insisted that he was 28 but I didn't believe him because he was acting like he was 22 (then again, he is in finance). I told him to show me his ID and the wheels started turning in his head. After a moment of staring into space he said, okay, if I would show him my boobs. They must teach these thing on Wall Street or something! I told him that I was grateful for him saying that because now I could tell my friends something funny about my New Year's: a drunk, finance guy asked to see my boobs. Happy Freakin' New Year!

But let me tell you how I got here to Zum Schneider, by myself on New Years. I originally had plans to go see the Dresden Dolls with a guy from high school who bailed on me at 4pm New Year's Eve. Needless to say, I was a bit upset but I figured I could pull my night together with all of the other options that I had. I had invites to 4 parties in Brooklyn and, while I am not a fan of leaving my neighborhood when I don't have to, I figured the numbers were against me and all my friends were staying east of the river this night. I got all dolled up and got in a cab to Rubulad just before midnight. I made it just in time to blow $25 for the champagne toast and to have my dry clean-only outfit soak up the smell of cigarettes and hippies. At midnight when all cell phone service seemed to die in NYC, I stepped outside and realized how great this dingy part of Brooklyn smelled compared to the inside of the warehouse. I stood outside for about a half hour trying to get a cab. A gentleman wearing a full suit, a hat and a bottle of glitter on his face approached me and asked if we were in Brooklyn (is there an emoticon that rolls its eyes?) He offered to flag down a gypsy cab and asked if I was willing to pay $30. Fuck no! Are you kidding? I spent $19 getting here with a wrong turn - there's no way in hell I'm paying $30! I think I then scared the tourist away...

I finally found a local Brooklynite who spotted me a gypsy for $20. On the way back to the East Village I saw a guy viciously head-butting an old drunk (it seemed) in the doorway of a deli. It was probably one of the most violent scenes I've seen in NYC other than a street fight in 2000 that ended in murder. I couldn't stop looking but the driver turned his head away and I got the sense that it wasn't because he couldn't stand it but more because he didn't want to have to be a witness to whatever it might lead to. All I wanted at this point was a beer and a veggie dog. I ended up feeling bad and giving the driver $25 since it was New Year's and I felt that I needed to change my karma in some way. At this point the night seemed to be getting worse and worse. To my dismay Crif Dogs was closed for a private party! I know it sounds silly but this was the point where I almost started crying. I actually did get a little teary when I found that Two Boots was also closed. So I ended up getting a slice at Sal's where I realized how painfully sober I was. I decided I needed to salvage this night in some way or I would live to regret it.

So I went to Zum Schneider for a beer and, as I looked around the room, I wondered why everyone felt the need to go to some crazy party with a high cover charge when there were these great places right in the city that weren't too packed and had great music! A young man asked me how close to 42nd Street we were (insert eye-roll emotion here). But everyone was having a great time. There were even girls dancing on the bar! I was a wall flower until some lovely German woman saw my pout and introduced me to all of her friends. It was my luck that she insisted I have another beer before leaving - turns out that she used to work there and she hooked me up at he bar! Anyway, I ended up dancing with her, her friends and the bar back, Miguel. The finance guy showed up and, as amusing as he was, he scared me when he wouldn't leave me alone. After multiple attempts at kissing me, I decided to go home. ALONE. I specified this multiple times yet the guy followed me out the door after I said my thanks and goodbyes to the fantastic Germans. I kind of felt bad for the guy cause he was hammered so I offered to get him in a cab. He said it would be better if I took him home. At this point I was planning on walking to someone else's apartment building so he wouldn't know where I lived but then luckily a friend called! The drunk dude asked if it was my boyfriend so I lied and said YES! That didn't stop him from stumbling after me but at this point I just decided to bolt. I ran across the street with traffic coming from both directions so he couldn't following me without getting hit! I hope he did get in a cab and not go to another bar to hit on other girls. Though maybe if they were as wasted as he was they would be happy to have the attention!

I spent the next 4 hours iChatting with friends celebrating in LA. I was proud of myself for going out and having a good time on my own but its always better to be with friends. Next year I'll make sure I stay in Manhattan though!