Merry Christmas

I spent Christmas night in Boston with some good friends from high school. I couldn't resist turning on the video option on my camera especially when the conversations started getting funny. Here are some pieces of conversations that I overheard. I'll make sure not to send my friend Kimon anything with a fucking Santa on it!

Fountain of Youth for your Pits

Its seems that I have been finding a lot of material to write about it my local Duane Reades lately.

The other day I noticed a new Dove product on the shelf: Pro-Age deoderant. With all of the anti-aging products on the market, how could we have all over looked our precious, delicate underarm skin?

As ridiculous as I think it is, I will probably buy it the next time I'm in the market for a tube. I am a sucker for packaging and I am tiring of Radiant Silk, Dove's last fancy marketing twist. I don't even like the maroon bottle but its different and I'll take anything to spice up my life at the moment. Does anyone lose here? Dove wins. Their marketing people win. But most of all, I win beautiful pits that will stay forever 29.

Elf Yourself Til You're Raw

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1678400514

Just watch. Its speaks for itself.

Merry Christmas!

Duane Reade Clearance

Please, ladies and gents: when going to Duane Reade to buy condoms, don't go to the clearance section. It really is worth spending a few extra dollars for a box that hasn't gone past its expiration date.

I don't care if you pick up your holiday soap collection there but you should probably pass on the instant Indian dinners as well.

Drag Queen Wig Cotton Candy

Okay, just so you can get an idea of how big these Barton G. desserts were, take a look at this video. The end shows the gigantic cotton candy station on our neighbors' table. I wish I had gotten a shot of it when the sparklers were lit!

All That Jazz

My favorite karaoke bar in the world is "The Studio" at the Shelbourne Hotel on Miami Beach. The music is run by a vampirish, older man named Ronnie who works every night until about 6am. Here's a fantastic rendition of All That Jazz performed by my friend Lauren.

Miami Sunrise

Flashdance Grouper

Now I remember why I'm a vegetarian. I've been experimenting with the whole pescatarian thing lately to expand my options for food as well as to up my protein intake. Well, a night at Barton G. in Miami and a dancing iFish was all it took to send me back to my non-fish-eating ways.

At first I was amused by the blinking, gyrating machine that accompanied my grouper. Then its pathetic flailing on the table reminded me that the lump in my bowl actually used to flip around itself.

I won't lie: it was tasty. But I felt obligated to eat the whole piece so that it wouldn't have died in vain. Oh boy! I am still a bit nauseated. I wish that I had just eaten the mashed potatoes below it which were more delicious yet less guilt-causing.

Anyway, I'm not saying I won't ever have a bowl of clam chowder when I visit New England but I am seriously going to think twice before ordering seafood in a restaurant notorious for large portions and obnoxious presentation.

If I ever go back to Barton G. it will just be for a cocktail and a dessert. Perhaps someone would want to join me for the $89 fondue fountain or the cotton candy tower that resembles a wig of a drag queen?

Mr. Clucky

We had the fortune to meet Mr. Clucky today, a friendly, rescued cock. This bird happily sat on our model's shoulder as well as ride off with his owner on the handlebars of his bicycle.

8 Tacky Nights

Hannukah is over but the decorations are still up in Miami. Could this cheesy shell menorah be offensive to a religion or is it just troubling to my personal taste?

Tough Life

Day Four in Miami

Miami

80°
Life ain't so bad.

Perry Ferrell

I know this is going back a bit but I just wanted to share this short clip of Perry Ferrell's Satellite Party at the end of his show at Fashion Week in NYC this past fall.

Love Yourself

Drunk Santas in New York City

Its that joyous time of year again when thousands of people take to the streets dressed up as Santa and get hammered. New York City's annual Santacon found me when I walked through Tompkins Square Park in the East Village today. One dirty, drunk Santa-man told me he was recruiting elves to work in his workshop (wink, wink) and asked if I was interested. I was in such a holiday spirit that I told him maybe next year! Check out this crappy video that I took while walking through the crowd. My favorite Santa might be the woman with the cigarette singing her version of Mickey: "Hey Santa, you're so fine! You're so fine, you blow my mind - hey SANTA!" I wanted to hold the camera on her longer but I was afraid she might kick the shit out of me. But that's why I love New York!

Don't Stop Believing

I should have posted a warning on the last entry, Live Tech Support. I didn't start fucking with the guy until halfway through so if you're short on time skip to the middle. To make up for it, here's something short and sweet!

Live Tech Support

I've been going crazy trying to send these files out to my client with this damn service that takes and eternity and sometimes freezes up. With these large files, it takes 4 or 5 hours to send something so you can understand my frustration when it stopped in the middle and I have to start the process all over again. I tried to rely on the company's live tech support but the second person I communicated with was just not that into helping me (or showing any personality for that matter). I am so sick of sitting here by my computer waiting for this process to finish so I figured it couldn't hurt to ask for a little company or entertainment. I tried to keep this tech support guy on for as long as possible but he seemed desperate to go. I finally let him since its now dinner time and I am only (at the time of writing this) 12% through uploading with 4:41 hrs to go.

Here is our dialogue from the 2 hours that I managed to keep him engaged:

Welcome to YouSendIt Support. A representative will be with you shortly.

You are now chatting with 'John K'

John K: Welcome to our live chat service.

John K: Hello. How may I assist you?

Francine Daveta: hi

John K: Hi

Francine Daveta: I have been uploading two files for a while now. the first went through and now the second (which is 1GB) seems to be stuck at 32%.

John K: If you are facing an issue while uploading the files, please hit reload in your browser several times. This way you can get directed to another server. Otherwise it boils down to the speed between you and our servers. Empty the browser cache and please make sure that you have disabled any firewall installed on your computer.

Francine Daveta: Hitting reload won't cancel out the current progress?

John K: It will cancel the current upload.

John K: I would also recommend you look at our desktop and plug-in applications at http://www.yousendit.com/cms/applications . Our desktop application is 25% faster then a web browser, and will resume the upload if the upload is interrupted. You can also upload folder directly through our desktop application YouSendIt Express. Zipping files and sending entire folders is currently available to paid subscribers on Windows only, Mac support coming soon.

John K: Is there anything else I may assist you with?

Francine Daveta: Am I having this problem because I am relying on wireless service? I had a similar problem earlier today with Safari. I need to get this out tonight and I don't want this to happen again halfway through.

John K: Francine, sorry we don't support wirless service.

Francine Daveta: I guess what I am asking is this interruption of service - could it be due to the service itself? Is this a YouSendIt problem or not?

Francine Daveta: I've been trying to send this all day and I am losing faith in this service - could you please help me?

John K: Francine, you are facing this problem as you are using wirless service and we don't support on it

John K: Are you still with me?

Francine Daveta: I am only asking because you mentioned an interruption. As far as I know the only problem I have been having today is with YouSendIt. I have not had any problems with my internet service.

John K: YouSendIt has several gigabit connections, so, your upload/download speed depends on how much available bandwidth you have, who your Internet Service Provider (ISP) is, the routing between your ISP and our servers, how busy our servers are, etc. In any case, you should expect it to take several hours for large files.

Francine Daveta: I have started to upload the file again starting with the 1 GB file this time.

John K: Okay

Francine Daveta: Right now its 3% complete.

Francine Daveta: You still there?

John K: Yes, I am with you.

Francine Daveta: Its still only at 3%, does that mean its taking too long? I'm wondering what's up with YouSendIt?

John K: Check out http://www.speedtest.net/ . We are in San Jose, Virginia, Atlanta, and Frankfurt, Germany.

Francine Daveta: Where are you right now?

John K: You can choose any of the locations'

Francine Daveta: I know, I'm loading it up. I was just wondering where you were, physically. I'm in New York, but I guess you can probably already see that from my profile. Where are you?

John K: We are in Cambell, CA.

Francine Daveta: Oh cool. I bet its a lot warmer there than it is here. What's the weather like? Oh, wait, somethings happening.

John K: Its pleasant over here.

Francine Daveta: Okay, I did a speedtest but I don't know what the results mean. I have some friends in LA & San Fran - is Cambell anywhere near there?

John K: Can you please provide me the results of speedtest?

John K: We have not heard from you. Do you wish to continue the chat?

Francine Daveta: yes, just trying to read this

John K: We are terminating the chat since we have not heard from you.

Francine Daveta: im here!!!

John K: Okay

John K: Not a problem

John K: Is the progress working for the file?

Francine Daveta: Okay, does this make any sense: 1322 kb/s, upload 209 kb/s, Pings 1057ms, Distance <50mi.

John K: What type of Internet connection you are using?

Francine Daveta: Roadrunner

John K: I mean to say its a Cable or DSL?

Francine Daveta: Oh, its cable. Did you know that there is a song about Cambell, CA?

John K: According to your speed it will take approx 2 hours to upload the file.

John K: Is there anything else I may assist you with?

Francine Daveta: Well, its is stuck at 3% again so I had to refresh again.

John K: I suggest you to use our desktop application.

Francine Daveta: I just did it now and it says 0% complete and estimated 4:58 minutes left.

John K: I would recommend you look at our desktop and plug-in applications at http://www.yousendit.com/cms/applications . Our desktop application is 25% faster then a web browser, and will resume the upload if the upload is interrupted. You can also upload folder directly through our desktop application YouSendIt Express. Zipping files and sending entire folders is currently available to paid subscribers on Windows only, Mac support coming soon.

Francine Daveta: The song goes:

Francine Daveta: Well the light from the alleys brings warmth to the night We're meager disciples they gather in rite It's time for the indignant paupers to speak This town belongs to me The gravel lines archways The perilous streets were desperate deeds Find buyers in heaps God bless the concrete and chaos it keeps This town belongs to me The wind from the ocean it whistles in trees My mouth stagnated by the cold that is brings The end of the world is closer than it seems This town belongs to me.

Francine Daveta: Cute song.

Francine Daveta: Its at 1% now.

John K: Try to download it and then try to upload the file through YousendIt Express.

John K: As I said it takes more time to upload big files

John K: Is there anything else I may assist you with?

Francine Daveta: I know that. That's fine but its not fine when it stops after 2 hours of loading and I have to start all over.

John K: Therefore, I am suggesting to use our Desktop application. Our desktop application is 25% faster then a web browser, and will resume the upload if the upload is interrupted.

Francine Daveta: I tried to download this YouSendIt Express and it says its not available for Macs at this time.

John K: It is use the beta version for mac

Francine Daveta: oh okay - let me look for that - I didn't see it.

John K: Visit this URL

John K: http://www.yousendit.com/cms/standalone-app

Francine Daveta: okay, I'm doing that now....

John K: Please try it on YouSendIt Express and if you face any issue please contact us back

Francine Daveta: Okay, its downloading. The song is by Lars Frederiksen & The Bastards in case you were interested. I found all of this out online while I was impatiently waiting for my files to upload.

John K: Oh I see

Francine Daveta: Cool, right? Its up to 2% now.

Francine Daveta: 3%!!!!

John K: Great! so it means it uploading

Francine Daveta: Yeah but 3% is where it got stuck last time. And it says it has 5:10 hrs to go...

John K: Wait for sometime as it will take some time as you are using a cable connection and are trying to upload a file of 1 GB.

Francine Daveta: Is there a better connection? DSL? I've heard that DSL is slower than cable though.

John K: Francine, DSL is much faster than Cable.

Francine Daveta: Really, so my ex-boyfriend is an idiot then?

Francine Daveta: 4%!!!!

John K: I am sorry, I can't comment.

John K: so its means its working now for you.

Francine Daveta: Oh, go ahead and comment! I'd enjoy the comment.

John K: Read this link

John K: http://compnetworking.about.com/od/dslvscablemodem/a/dslcablecompare.htm

John K: It will give you an idea about the comparison between DSL and a Cable Service.

John K: Is there anything else I may assist you with regarding YouSendIt service?

Francine Daveta: Interesting.

Francine Daveta: I think I get it now. But I am skeptical of this guy who wrote the article. He has a mullet, you realize. One thing I can say about my boyfriend is that he at least had really nice hair.

John K: Thanks for chatting with us. We value your feedback, please click the "Close" button on the top right of the chat window to access our brief survey.

Francine Daveta: 5% so far but I'm not convinced.

Francine Daveta: It froze at 32% before!

John K: Francine, you are suing web application or YouSendIt Express?

Francine Daveta: I won't sue anyone if I can get this file to go through.

John K: Sorry Typo error

John K: its using

Francine Daveta: Oh, I am still trying FireFox but I downloaded the Express app in case this doesn't work.

John K: okay

Francine Daveta: Its at 7% now but it says its got 4:58 hrs to go - that's practically midnight in NY! The person expecting these files will be out of the office by then. Will you still be in yours?

John K: We are here till 6 PM PST

Francine Daveta: Okay, so 9pm my time. That's another 2 hours and 15 minutes.

John K: Francine, I suggest wait for some time if you face any issue please contact us back.

Francine Daveta: Any last words of advice, John K.?

Francine Daveta: I called my client and told him not to wait for the files tonight.

John K: YouSendIt Express application.

John K: okay

John K: Thanks for chatting with us. We value your feedback, please click the "Close" button on the top right of the chat window to access our brief survey.

Francine Daveta: Okay, thanks. I was hoping for something a little more inspirational but I'll give that a try.

John K: Thanks for your understanding.

Thanks for chatting with us. To receive a transcript of this chat, or give us your feedback, please click the "Close" button on the top right of the chat window.

White Girl With a Fat Ass

I have to share this new blogsite with you:

http://jellykean.wordpress.com/

This girl is a friend of mine and she is determined to simultaneously lose weight and raise money for Hunger Relief! She's funny as hell and vows to post a picture on the site of her bare ass next year (big 0r small)!

I really admire her ballsy attitude and willingness to take what could be a bad situation and turn it into something really positive.

Check out here site and help her out if you can!

Payback

A friend of mine who recently found my blog through Google (I wouldn't tell him where it was) criticized me for not posting entries everyday. He said, "Isn't that the point of blogging, to do it everyday?"

Yes, well in an ideal world that would be the case but I have a job and a life that sometimes gets in the way of my online time-waster. So sorry. Here's an entry to make up for it - a picture I took of this friend at Pyramid on Friday night.